Saturday, December 16, 2017

What is my purpose?

I can't believe it's just a few weeks until a new year begins, but I am happy about it. There is something about December that makes me introspective and anxious. I guess because I spend time evaluating the past year as I come up with things I want to work on in the new year. My biggest struggle right now is dealing with a feeling of not knowing my place in the world ... still ... after 27 years ... I have not found my purpose and I don't feel like I ever will. I don't have a career because I became a SAHM once children were born. The jobs I have held the past 10+ years didn't hold anything long-term for me. While I could go back to school and obtain a Masters in something, I just don't feel that it would be worth my time and money plus I honestly don't know what kind of job I would want to have until retirement.

It is stressful for me on a daily basis to think about this. While I have enjoyed being home the past year, I feel like I should be contributing financially towards our retirement. We have no idea what the future holds for us in 20 years, but I highly doubt that Social Security/Medicare will be around. Even if it is, it is not enough to live off of. My husband loves me being home and taking care of the house. It does make things a lot easier for him because he works long hours and I am happy to contribute in that way. The kids will be gone and on their own in about 18 months (hopefully!) and our finances will actually improve once there are 3 less people in this house, so that is a good thing! I plan to spend some time in the next year researching my options. Maybe I will finally figure out what I am meant to do with my life. Until then, I will keep doing what I am doing - taking care of my family, enjoying time spent with my crafts and reading and spending time with my four dogs. Sometimes, the simple things in life are the best!

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